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March 26th 2011

3/26/2013

15 Comments

 
Some of you will understand it, some will not. It is being sent to students, staff, friends, and family. My intention is to keep the memory of the Angola Four alive, and describe how these young men have changed my life…


On Saturday March 26th 2011, I was sitting at home with my wife watching a movie. My daughter was in bed at about 7:15 when the phone rang. That conversation changed my life forever…

Two years ago, Evan Weaver, Matthew Roe, Alexx Bauer, and Riley Zimmer were killed in an accident on an interstate in Alabama when a young man crossed the median in a severe rain storm and struck them head on. Three of the young men, and the driver that struck them died immediately. Alexx Bauer, as a first responder told the family, was still alive upon arrival, but died in transit to the hospital. The deaths of the four young men was a national news story, and shocked the small town of Angola.



In 2011, I was a history teacher and the Football Coach at Angola High School. By all accounts for me, and as far as I had known, life was great. I had a great job, in a great town, a wife and a daughter, a family with which I was close. Every day I woke up and made the drive to Angola, where I taught about the Greeks and Romans, then went to the weight room or practice field with my team and got to coach football. I had everything I ever wanted.

Today, in 2013, from an outsider’s perspective, you might say my life is very much the same. I am a history teacher and a football coach. I have had two more children and moved to East Noble High School. But those who truly know me, know I am a distinctly different person as I write this.

On Sunday, my family and I traveled to Angola, and visited the gravesites of Evan, Matt, Alexx and Riley. And as I knelt down to reflect upon the last two years of my life I was overwhelmed by memories, and I felt I had to share my perspective.

Being a football coach is kind of like being an uncle. But instead of being just an uncle, the parents have taken a 4 month vacation to Europe, and lose all communication with their son. And during that time, when there is no communication between parents and son, the uncle, who is responsible for the kid’s safety, grades, welfare, and mental state, learns more about the young man, and they build a unique relationship that is hard to describe to the outside world. You are not a parent, but in some ways, in some cases, you know, understand, and love them as if you were.

The memories I have of Alexx and Riley are great ones. Every day Riley was supposed to be grading papers for me, but instead was sleeping on the floor in my office watching Saving Private Ryan. Or when Alexx brought a beehive into my office and destroyed it. (Still haven’t figured that one out) Or when Riley hit a Fairfield WR so hard that he flipped him over and his tooth popped out. Or when Alexx just wouldn’t stop whistling in the back seat of the van on the way to West Virginia, and I stopped the van on the high way and beat the crap out of him with a pillow. I think about Riley’s cowboy hat and his piercing eyes. I think about Alexx and I, battling about Notre Dame and Ohio State. I think about eating at Coney Island with them after media day or playing dunk ball on my daughters’ toy rim in the basement. Or when we won the biggest game in Angola history when Alexx hit Seth Fifer in the end zone with seconds remaining at Wawasee.

If you have made it this far in my letter, and I hope you have, you’ll see there is a purpose here. I think that every year for as long as I am alive, this is going to be a tough time of the year for me, and I can only imagine what it holds for the Bauers, Weavers, Roe’s, and Zimmer’s. Last year, on spring break, I was at the Kenny Chesney concert in Ft Wayne when he began to sing Boys of Fall. I am a grown, man… I’ll admit it, I cry sometimes. That was Riley’s favorite song. And my daughter and I listen to it all the time.

As we come to Spring Break here in 2013, the purpose of me writing is complicated. After the accident, I spent a whirlwind summer with my team, traveling, trying to understand, trying to find closure, only to find myself feeling scared and pushing away the people I loved. I went through an emotional football season that year, with highs and lows, but never truly coming to grips with what we had all had been through.

Then, around Thanksgiving of 2011, I decided one night to go outside in the cold November air for a run around the block. And after about a half mile, I stopped in the middle of the road at 9PM and for some reason stared at the sky. In that moment I saw the stars the brightest I had ever seen them. The music coming through my headphones was “The Show Goes On” by Lupe Fiasco. It was one of Alexx’s favorite songs. And as I sat there and listened to the words, and stared at the sky, I decided that it was time to change some things. I wasn’t exactly sure at that point what I needed to change, but I could feel that it was time for something to change.

Think about all the times in your life when you have decided to change something. Time to spend more time with your family. Time to lose some weight, or get in shape. Time to eat healthier. Time to find a job you will love. Time to stop fighting with your parents or wife or husband. Time to give up smoking. Time to tell someone you love them more. Or we have all said things like “Someday I’m going to go to Rome.” Or, “Someday I’m getting on a train and heading west.” Or, “Someday I am going to buy a boat or try out for a team, or a play. I am going start a business. I am going to learn to play piano. Someday…….We always put it off until someday…

I found in that moment, on Cedar Canyons Road, under the stars, in the cold, under the influence of the musings of the aptly named “Lupe Fiasco”, that I didn’t need to change a whole bunch of things, but instead, I needed to change one thing that would affect all things.

It’s a complicated thing to give advice to someone. On one hand, I would love to tell you all to be so careful on Spring Break. Make great decisions, keep your hands at 10 and 2. On the other hand I would tell you to take chances. To go on an adventure. To live and love like you’ll not see tomorrow. And both are correct. In a dangerous world, we must all be vigilant, but if we don’t throw caution to the wind from time to time, how do we experience, everything life has to offer?

I can only offer my last two years as an example. At 29 I had a bucket list. At 31 I do not. I decided to not feel sorry for myself, or complain about the little trivial things that bother me throughout the day. I decided to focus my efforts on truly being “present” with my family. I began to focus on controlling what I can control with my job. I began to try and just be aware of the moment as much as possible, to try to understand other points of view, to try and feel more compassion. I am far from perfect, and I realize this more now than ever. But I have found a lot of peace in my quest to perfect the important aspects of my life.

Live for your family and friends. They will love you and protect you. Enjoy the moment. Make all the clichés of life real for you. Think about what each moment truly has to offer. Don’t be scared, but be aware. Try for a moment to understand where you are in space and time. It is truly remarkable that we stand and walk and live and love.

For me the lessons I have learned from the Angola Four have transformed the way I live my life. I have gained a perspective and a clarity of purpose that I have never felt before. I truly still wake up each day, and think about them, what they would be doing now, and of the great memories I had a chance to share with them, and still share with Gregg and Lisa Bauer, and Matt and Suzy Zimmer. In 2011 we added a permanent reminder to our family, by naming our 2nd daughter Alexxa Riley Amstutz. Every time I look at that little girl, I am reminded of the pure sweetness, mischief, fun, laughter, and love that these boys were.

Next month, I will run in the Fourever Friends 4 Mile Run in Angola, benefiting the scholarship foundation. It is a great event, and an easy and very affordable way to have some fun and support an amazing cause. As I do with everything, I will be competing as hard as I can and trying to win. It is the only hour of my life that I would ever wear an Ohio State shirt, and I will cherish every moment of it. But the moment I cross the finish line, in first, or last, I cannot wait to see old friends and family, and laugh and joke, and talk about memories of the Angola Four.



I used to think I had to travel on Spring Break in order to have fun, to experience life. I know understand that I may travel, or I may be still, and in either case, I will only be as full filled as I allow myself to be. Whether you are traveling, or spending time with friends and family, cherish each moment, be aware, and make great decisions.

At Alexx’s funeral, in 2011, I read a poem about his final football game, and how I will always remember him. And I also told Gregg and Lisa Bauer, I will do all I can to make sure that their memory never fades away, and that the way they lived life becomes a lesson for us all.

Each day I try to make that happen in the way I live my life. I hope I honor their memory in the way I raise my kids, the way I teach my students, the way I coach my team. In writing this to you today, I am simply helping to keep their message and their legacy vibrant, for all the world to see.

15 Comments
Tracy Yates
3/26/2013 08:21:56 am

I only knew Alexx and Riley because they were Trevor and Brie's age. Manly because they always competed, strongly, against Trevor when he played against them, while Brie cheered for KMS. Trevor and Brie knew all four young men.
I remember the shock of hearing of this tragedy. As
well as helping all of my children (&myself) deal with
something so devestating. After days of tears, fears
and uncertainty, one night I asked Brie why she
thought this would happen to four young men that
had so much to offer our world. After a few tears &
moments of thought, Brie & all 18 years of her
wisdom answered by saying, "I believe their work on earth had been done and obviously they were needed elsewhere. An awesome answer, I believe.
I think of the four of them and their families often. Especially, this time of year and at the beginning of football season, as Alexx was to be a teammate of Trevor's at Franklin College. I wish them peace and comfort.

Reply
Lauren Henion
3/26/2013 09:10:26 am

This is absolutely amazing Coach Amstutz. Couldnt habe worded it any better!

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Trevor Ice
3/26/2013 02:23:53 pm

Stutz man u couldnt of said it better those boys will be in my heart forever

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Melanie Teusch
3/26/2013 04:21:08 pm

Thanks for sharing this! I still often think of those boys and even more so around spring break. They will never be forgotten. Your strength and wisdom are inspiring.

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Scott Frick
3/26/2013 05:43:25 pm

Thanks for sharing, Coach. God speed with your continued healing. Ours is not to understand His wisdom, but to know it is perfect. Hold onto that.

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Gersh
3/27/2013 03:08:59 am

I remember going to alabama to honor those boys. It was hard but we did it for them. When we stood on the side of the highway where their lives were tragicaly taken. I stood there next to my brothers and just could stop my self to think. About my freshman year. Just comin up into a weight room filled with mosters like alexx bauer and seth fifer. But they took me under there wing and i respect them for it. I read coach A's letter an i wanna thank him for making me think of the boys and my dad. And my family i realize i have lost sight of whats really important. I miss 2 a day practice and sweatin so much i could wring my shirt out. Idk y i cant play football anymore maybe its cause as soon as thats all i could think about everything was ripped away. So i no longer have the audacity to play. I miss it alot tho. But coach i worte a paper and ive been wanting to send it to u but i havent had the chance to thank you for being there for me when i needed u even tho u were going theough a time of your own. Im glad too see life is movin on for you i wish good health for you your wife and children. Forever your lineman! Gersh

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Shane
3/27/2013 06:48:08 am

Thanks for sharing, i couldn't agree more life is relative only to tht moment and how you perceive it,love as if it were your last day .. everyday!! Although i did not know these four great young men it is obvious that their passing has changed many.... for the better... keeping their family and friends in my prayers, as they look down i'm sure they would be proud of you "coach" and all tht have been touched by this tragedy...

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Kim Wagner
3/27/2013 08:43:38 am

My sons grew up with these boys, played sports with them, went to school with them. I worked along side their mom's at PTO meetings, cheered with them at soccer and basketball games, and sat with tears in our eyes while we watched them sing and perform in elementary school programs. I cannot imagine going through what they have gone through. But instead of closing themselves off and drowning in that pain, they have created a legacy through the 4everFriends Scholarship. I am in awe of their strength and I feel privileged to be a witness to how they have handled this tradgedy by trying to help others as they would have their own sons.

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Gregg Bauer
3/27/2013 11:56:53 am

Apparently the football coach has more influence than he thinks. You were told at 7:15 and we were told about 9:30. Coach trumps parents. LOL! Thanks for writing this, Luke. I've known it for quite some time but others need to read your inspiration. Thanks to Tracy Yates for sharing her families experience. Those stories are priceless to us.

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Dylan moore
3/27/2013 03:02:26 pm

Thanks for everything coach

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Jesse Smith
3/27/2013 03:08:54 pm

This says it all. Thanks for all that you have done and said coach. They will never be forgotten and you were the best coach that I ever had

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Rachael Hall
3/27/2013 03:56:10 pm

This brought me to tears! The death of Angola' s sons has left an open wound on our entire community from which we will never fully heal. Although they are not on this earth, they still leave their imprints upon our lives! Death leaves an ache we cannot ease, yet I see so many good things that have come from it! This tragedy has changed my entire family and we think about them often and hold the parents close to our hearts and prayers. I cant possibly understand what they go through daily, but know Alexx, Riley, Matt and Evan are still changing lives from heaven and for that I am blessed and eternally grateful!

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Abby Bauer
3/27/2013 04:33:17 pm

This is beautiful. Thank you so much for your inspiring words❤

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Brandon B
3/29/2013 04:39:12 pm

It is amazing to see how much your town has come together to support each other and the families of the boys. It's great to see how much is being done to preserve the memories of all four of them. I wish I could have know them before the accident. It seems like they were some amazing people and I can tell that they mad a significant impression on my people's lives. I was a new EMT at the time and was heading to Florida with my mom, dad, and sister for spring break. I was driving threw Alabama when I saw an accident. I was not expecting what I saw. I was expecting to go on vacation a relax on the beach not expecting for my life to change forever. After everything was said and done i stood on the side of that highway and had so many different emotions running threw my head. I felt so bad for the family's and friends of those boys that I had just meet in such a tragic way. I realized that I was doing the right thing with my life because of them. I realized that even though it was so tragic that if even one time down the road I can effect the out come of a situation to where someone's family doesn't have to get that news that I would be satisfied with myself. I also felt very strongly compelled to reach out to the family's of these boys I had just met. It took me a few months to build up the courage and find the right words to say, but I eventually wrote letters to each of the family's. I thought that I would express my condolences to these family's never imaging that I would be so warmly embraced by these families. The Bauer family reach out to me and has treated me like part of their family. I was having a difficult time with the whole thing but they were there for me even looking out for me when they themselves were going threw hell. In the end it is just truly amazing to see how these young men changed the lives of so many people not only while they were alive but even in their deaths. There is a number 10 jersey hanging on the wall in my room that reminds me every day of what I am doing and of the amazing people I have met through this tragic event.

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Real Madrid Jersey link
10/14/2013 07:40:07 pm

I want to to thank you for this excellent read!!

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    Luke Amstutz

    Head Football Coach and 
    History Teacher at EN

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